Vow to Adventure

I don’t need a lot of approval where I am going. The realization of it has both given me the wonderful light armor that I need to go far with the wind and left me vulnerable to take a few arrows in the process. I’ve decided what my next move in life is, and that has left me blind to what happens and what will happen for the next few months. I understand my drive might be mistaken for arrogance, and my methods for irrational behavior, but I hope that the outcome reveals that there was not much of that but maybe just the will of work in dreams. We all need a healthy amount of ambition.

The way I’ve understood struggle in life more recently comes from the one truth I found on my own. I believe that one wages wars with oneself the moment the heart chooses a path but the mind refuses to go with it. Unhappiness comes from dreading the distance that the heart takes: the separation from it. Happiness comes only when the mind figures out going against the heart is a lost cause and decides to walk with it providing counsel.

Overall, we live in a world of fear that has made us addicted to comfort. How often do we hear praise to bravery and where have we put it in our scale of values? I feel the constant need of testing my limits. I get in trouble a great deal as well. I come out of it with valuable lessons and with a satisfaction that no other thing in this world gives me. I understand now this is not a curse but a blessing. I accept the rest of my life will be ruled by adventure, and I do not fear the occasional losses.  I don’t know how this is possible, but not those who die have lived.

My grandpa told me once the story of the most significant climb of his life.  He made it all the way to the top of the mountain to see what was on the other side. The sight of the flatlands expanding to the north until the eye could no longer reach left him so speechless that he decided right in that moment that he was going to go to distance and as far as he could. He lived in a world with no buses, and no maps, and fewer people that could possibly assist him if a tragedy befell him, yet he ventured into the nothing and lived one of the greatest trips he cherishes. “Much better to travel under your own heart’s command and not under other people’s desires” he would hint later when he told me how after the civil war, his squad was forced to exile in that same north he had visited once. His story was so imbued with the passion of discovery that the time and the years to come failed miserably in fading away for my brain; if anything, the fire for adventure became hotter and brighter. I’ve seen the weight of the past in my grandfather’s eyes when he speaks of his misdeeds, but when he talks about that climb that change it all, I have seen pride and not even for an instant regret.

I have received much love from people. That’s why it took me long hours to plan what I would tell them when I looked them in the eye. It wounds me when they feel that aspiring for more is rejecting the current support they provide. I hope I can prove to them one day that I aspire to rise so that they can rise with me. There’s also that satisfaction one gets from having spoken your mind. It feels glorious to live by your own standards. I believe the ones that matter understand that.

I speak of many things that seem to be forgotten. I speak of magic. I speak of virtue. I speak of adventure. I dwell in a world long gone where bravery actually matters and where adventure is valued above all. When I voice my thoughts I lose some respect earned by the results of the things I have done well in life. Such blows hit right in my confidence, but I can take them. I don’t need a lot of approval where I am going, see? When one walks ahead, all those voices and reprimands stay behind while one keeps on pressing forward, eyes fixed on the rising sun.