The deodorant analogy.

I ran out of deodorant by the end of the month, and I knew that meant trouble.
This might be a very atypical situation in most of the world, but in my house, the whole deodorant thing always prompts arguments and discussions. One could trace it back to the time when my dad managed all his money and we, the remaining members of the household, had to ask him for money to satisfy any need. I kind of got what I needed, but the bureaucratic nature of the process started this nonconformity in me that has not stopped until today. "Do I have to explain that much why I need a deodorant?" Well, then mom was in office and I was given a monthly salary and that fixed the problem of the begging for toiletries... for a while.

The scene moves to today. I've been asking for a deodorant for four days. This is not the first time this happens in the year.

I'm not a student anymore, so my salary was removed. I started working, but I haven't gotten my paycheck yet because my boss pays monthly. Wherever you see it, finances-wise, I'm screwed, and that's why I had to undergo the painful process of asking for everything again.

I could just wait until I get my deodorant and rest for the time being, but the reason why this whole deodorant issue gets under my skin is because of my mom's behavioral patters that this simple act of not buying that little thing reveal. This is not new for any kid: PARENTS DO NOT LISTEN! You can tell them what really matters for you, but your words will simply turn into something else in their minds and end up meaning something else, usually something unimportant. My mom does that. She goes shopping, buy the deodorants for the whole female population of my house (3/4 of the total members) and forgets mine! Then, since she's unable to admit that she's a terrible listener and that she had in mind what she thought I will need instead of my real petition, she will say a lot of reasons of why I don't need the deodorant just now. That's plainly absurd! "It's been only three days since you told me" Yeah, mom, only three days in which I've had to use my sister's, with the floral scent and all. And all of the sudden, I'm working, I should have money, and I spent too much in other things... And here's when I decide to swallow it and shut the fuck up. Right, mom, you can't do me this $4 one favor, I've got it.

I come down to this: it is the whole attitude behind the act what upsets me. My mom is such a great person, but when it comes to accept that it is her fault for not listening carefully to what I'm saying, she goes so irrational. It is the only moment when nothing makes sense, when she's confronted to a parent's responsibility that she did not meet. I've seen adults doing this over and over again. It is true, I'm the son here, but, as my friend Sage says, parents can't keep winning arguments just because they are the parents. I need a reason, a coherent explanation, not a bunch of excuses and a display of self-justification. Throwing me a history of care and love won't make it either. I need to trust my parents NOW and know that they are listening NOW. I love my mom, but these small things make me unable to rely on her blindly.

Five minutes ago, mom came by my room and gave me cash - which she previously denied she had, to go and buy the freaking deodorant. Trust, however, has been broken for three days already.

All these started with a deodorant.