Learning to forget and learn again. 01. Icons and Lucky Charms.

This might become another series like "memories lost and found" section.

I was raised an Evangelical Christian, and as part of neglecting the world in the search of everlasting life, I was taught some dogmas that I have come to disbelieve over time. I had to forget and learn again everything about magic, fantasy,secular music, sex, homosexuality, smokers, adivination, among many others .This week, however, I remembered how prejudiced I was against people who needed religious icons and believed in lucky charms.
In radical Christianity, there is no place for luck since it displaces the hopes that should be only put on God. Under this premise, I was trained to despise lucky charms and talk people who put their faith on them out of their mistake. However, as I became skeptical and nearly atheist, I could value the significance that a charm has.
A Japanese girl that I met in 2008 carried her kamisama with her everywhere. That piece of wood with a kanji on it represented her background, her culture, a fragment of where she came from that she could carry with her everywhere. When the thing got lost, she almost panicked as if she had lost part of her soul as well. If you have ever read "The Earth's Children Saga" by Jean M. Auel, then you understand the anthropological importance of the charms and amulets. It's related to symbolism, and call it keepsake or charm, the meaning we give to something is never despicable or else a reason to earn damnation. It's the same with Icons. The Bible condemns idolatry in Exodus 20:3-5

"...You shall not make for yourself a graven image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth; you shall not bow down to them or serve them; for I the Lord your God am a jealous God..."

The problem is that, if we took the words too literally, as radical Muslims do, we wouldn't be able to reproduce any image... what a boring life. The overall message is, I think, being aware of diversions that lead you astray from God, call them whatever.

Japanese, Chinese, Costa Rican, whoever... I learned that we need to hold on to something to endure the crudeness of life at times. Clever leaders don't underestimate the value of symbolism and use it to bring people together. Sun Tzu wrote in his teachings, now a book called The Art of War, the importance of using blazons, flags,and drums during the war to remind the soldiers who are far behind and can't listen to the general the reason of why are they fighting and the fact that they are not alone.

I brought this up because in this limbo I am going trough, symbols have played an important role. When you feel like you're just on your own and that you don't have anything to hold on to, that's precisely when that charm proves being helpful. I feel like the wait until I leave to England is being way too long, but when I see the flag of the UK or the Big Ben, I think the wait is worth it. One of these days, I was feeling extremely lonely too, and while walking on a crowed street, I got my hand in my pocket and felt my keys. All the keyrings there, brought to me from far away countries, reminded me of the great friends I have that bothered in thinking on me when they were in their trips. It made me feel accompanied again; it was a symbol, something to hold on to.

Demand a Starbucks in Costa Rica??? WTF!

I'm trying to stay cool and not stop liking some of my contacts as they joined a group in Facebook called "Exige un starbucks en CR!!!" (demand a Starbucks in Costa Rica.) The description of the page in Spanish reads something like (my translation) "Starbucks opens a new store around the world every hour. It's about time to have our first Starbucks in Costa Rica." The reasons why the creation of this group results somewhat annoying for me are the following:

1-Many of my acquaintances that have joined the group have never been in a Starbucks!!! I have been in one. I like those 3/4 milk and sugar 1/4 coffee drinks, but it is not like I would demand (who, btw?) for a Starbucks here.
2- Costa Rica exports coffee to the world and it ranks among the best. It does not make any sense to me that some people would like to import a coffee shop with regular quality.
3- Since when did coffee shops became so popular among youngsters? I've been a socialite for three years now and I've seen the affluence of customers in coffee shops. I'm always about the youngest person there. Now, I know people who joined this group drink coffee, but they go to cheap places! I want to see them paying like $4 for a coffee that they usually get in $1.75. My guess is that the images of the Starbucks in every corner of the Big Apple - who does not want to imitate NY?, have gotten into these people minds until the point in which they have lost the sense of reality.

I'm not intimidated by American franchises. I'm a regular in Taco Bell and all, but we do not have real Mexican food anyways, so that's all right. But people around the world pay an absurd amount of money for our coffee and suddenly these kids are "demanding" -I can't get over the imperative nature of the statement, demanding Starbucks to come to Costa Rica.

Airheads.

Ain't no perfect picture lives

There are no Pleasantvilles on Earth. Ain't no perfect picture lives. And I'm writing this note with a bit of anger.

Today, I saw "Precious, inspired by a novel published by Sapphire." Normally, I would go for the technical aspects, you know: performance, setting, plot... This time, however, there was an instant of insight for me. If my life were to become a movie as raw and clear as "Precious," it wouldn't be less explicit. Dunno, I grew up caring a lot about appearances. When you're the son of a pastor, and the members of the church give you their love, support, and MONEY, you end up believing that you owe everybody an explanation of your acts and that the only way for you to be is that righteous person they idealized. But my life has not been a pretty picture life; my family has not been the epitome of perfection as the church or the mortals around seem to expect.

I just imagine the people who has idealized me and my family watching the movie of my life. Well, it was a disaster! I don't know why people think that being raised a Christian gives you the perfect morals to become this integral human. For me the whole Christian thing was very confusing and idyllic. And why is it that I have to be perfect for the people of the congregation? Wasn't this suppose to be MY life? I actually became quite the opposite of everything that I was taught. No vices mom said, but she meant smoking and drinking -which I do by the way, and not everything that is around that might distract you from your goal in life. The latter sounds like a more feasible definition of vices to me.
I still seem to have spectators since I still live in my mom's house. "Do not tell people about those irrational thoughts you have been having lately" It's called being agnostic, mom. It's called thinking differently and nobody out there should care or make faces at you and me just because they think they buy my good behavior with the money of their offerings.
When I first wrote this entry, I included some scenes of my life, but due to the crudeness of them and the unfair exposition of the negative traits of my family, I decided to go on and just make a point. There are no perfect picture lives. Mine isn't either. I wish people expected all the negative from me so that I can surprise them rather than disappointing them. I wish everybody knew that there aren't perfect picture lives and took mine as normal, as this movie Precious, and see the light in the middle of the darkness rather than point out the black parts in my seemingly white image... and fuck off.