This is a random thought I had while blowing my nose, so I don't think it deserves a lot of attention. Still, it's been a long time since I last blogged so I thought it would be cool to write about something anyway.
My thoughts were suddenly drawn to the idea of a Pity fuck as ways of balancing kharma and attone misdeeds. The scenario does not come out of the blue. In the superb and almost biblical for the queer community Queer as Folk TV show (US version,)the character Ted Schmidtz once sleeps with a very hunky guy who randomly hits on him on a bar. He's dazzled by and terrified with the idea of this "so-very-out-of-his-league guy" showing any interest in him, and spite of his damaged, low self-esteem, he goes all the way with the guy, because nobody in his right mind would let an opportunity like that just go. It turns out the stud was no other that balancing his kharma and counterweighing a year of awesome sex life with one pity fuck: picking somebody average and sleeping with him to give him the sex experience the poor thing wouldn't be able to have by his own means.
When Ted finds out he's been the subject of this other guy's extremely egotism, he's destroyed. How can he not be? He felt attractive for a night, he gained some confidence about himself, he probably thought he had something special and rare that people could see. Next day, he ilussion is shattered, and the fact that he's been pitied only rubs all his insecurities on his faces with a huge red stamp on them that say "It's true." You're ugly. It's true! You're lame and uninteresting, fact! It takes Ted some time and support from his friends to regain a bit of his previous yet feeble confidence.
Alright, I don't know any jerks who go around sleeping with people because they feel sorry for them (or so I hope,) but I do know a great deal of people toying with the idea of spending a night with someone because "they are nice." Ain't that the same, I wonder. Some of us get attention from people we're not really attracted to, play around with the people we actually like, but then after a break up, moment of weakness, or some shitty state of mind, we "come down from our pedestal and mingle with the mortals." We give pitty fucks. We do not get pitty fucks.
Or do we? I'm not sure! My self steem is terrified by the idea of someone sleeping with me out of boredom or compassion. The last time a guy hooked up with me with no apparent reasons other than "we're not fucking anyone else tonight anyway", I just couldn't keep myself aroused -- the thought of a possible pity fuck too strong to let me enjoy myself.
Let's get back to the victims of this act of malicious compassion. You sleep with someone because you're sorry for them. How do you respond to their question: What did you like about me? I'm sure it's one of the first things you'll hear come out of their mouths right after you kiss them for the first time. How do you respond to them when they're excited telling you how happy they are because they've felt attracted to you for some time now, and they never thought this moment could come true and all that? Like poor Ted, they might be dealing with self-steem issues that by no means improve because you slept with them. From their perspective, it is not that you gave them a present. It's more like you've used them and after the sex you decided they were discardable. Let us not take it too far. Plenty of kisses during a night are enough to give that person the feeling that they're special to you; in that respect, my friends, an awful lot of you have sinned.
I'm not changing the world with this post or anything. I just want to ask openly, guys, are we that messed up? Is it my idea or are we actually spreading pity instead of truthfulness or affection? No one needs my pity. I, for sure, do not need anyone to look at me and feel sorry.
